“You Can Call Me Al” Parody

by Avens

Lol, Paul Simon

A man walks into a tavern
He says, “why can’t this kid just die,
I mean, why can’t this kid just go die?
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a break from Arweinydd
You can forget about redemption
Just wanna end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Zazo, Zazo
She-wolves in the moonlight
And hey, look who’s coming through the door—
Golbez, Golbezzzzz
Hahaha, it all comes too easily
You know I shouldn’t find this stuff amusing anymore…

If you weren’t my enemy
I could reevaluate our friendship
I would call you Benny
And Benny when you’d call me
You could call me Kip.”

A man walks into a tavern
He says, “why am I so gullible,
Why did I even think that was genuine?
I ought to know better by now
And what about my friends and family
What if I die here
Who would come to rescue me
When all my rescuers are
Gone, gone
Several dimensions away
My dad and friends, a little Red Wing girl
Called Leona, Leona
Now there’ s an incident, an accident
Now there’s magic in the maelstrom

If you weren’t out to murder me
We wouldn’t have to go through this again
I could call you Kippy
And Kippy when you’d call me
You could call me Ben.”

A man walks into a tavern
It’s a tavern in a strange new world
Maybe it’s the same world
Maybe it’s his first time around
He doesn’t know the streets
He’s following a child
He is an alien here
He is surrounded by the
Sound, sound
Of spells and shattered glass, and of
Laughter and of suffering
He looks around, around
He sees the phantom of an Athrylith
Playing with his mindmagery
He says “Shak Kip, can’t we get along?!

If you weren’t a psychopath
I could be your long lost ally
I could call you KiNa
And KiNa when you’d call me
You could call me Tai…
TsuMe Tai.”